Resilience in a time of crisis

I am not a resilient person. I am competitive. I like to win. Always. And more often than not, in order to win, never quitting and never letting go has actually helped me along the way. I don’t give up. Ever. I rarely come across a situation where I feel hopeless. I am the kind of person who has a plan A, a plan B, a plan C and a plan D that I keep to myself, so I don’t sound totally nuts.

My son William was born with a rather serious defect in his digestive system. Luckily, today he’s ok, but back then, it resulted mainly in him crying for 15 hours every day for the first 10 months of his life. Yup, you read correctly. 15. Hours. Every. Day. For 10 consecutive months. The doctors told me there was nothing to do but wait it out and be patient. Patience… Patience is a virtue. A virtue I do not possess unfortunately. Even though I saw multiple specialists who all came to the same conclusion (“… there’s nothing more to do but let it pass ‘mam”), I kept searching for a solution, a cure. My son, my first born, my flesh and bones was deeply hurting. His crimson red face and his 113-decibel screams (That’s nearly as loud as an ambulance siren by the way) reminded me of his condition in a very violent and cruel way. I was not going to give up. It’s not in my nature. I read articles about child health, bought books, listened to podcasts, asked for advice from parents who had been in a similar situation, tried hippie recipes and most of all, counted on my family to help us win the competition against this physical defect.

Eventually, time did pass. He got better, just as the doctors said he would. I waited it out in my own way, by trying my best, by fighting, by staying busy and trying to find peace and joy where I could. I learned a lot from this situation. Looking back, I am proud to say that it was my first real experience with resilience. Life threw me a curve ball and I had no choice but to deal with it as best I could. Did I become a resilience pro? The gold medalist for bouncing back when tough situations occur? Uh, no. Not at all…

Last week, when the government announced how critical the COVID-19 situation was, I felt life was throwing another curve ball at me, at my family, at all of us… I read the news, I subscribed to blogs about the virus. I started to follow social media groups where parents were sharing how they explained the situation to their kids and how they are balancing work and family life. I bought books and educational toys so my kids would stay busy and in the best possible way. I planned healthy meals to make sure we would take the time to eat together as a family. When I am at work, I rarely take a lunch break (Sorry, Mom!) but in this situation, that is simply not possible. I invented games that mirror the main school subjects like French, Geography, Math, Fine Arts, History, Science and Gym. Going for the gold, nothing less. Ever.

I have been doing everything I did the last time a challenging situation occurred but for some reason, it hasn’t been working. I have really been feeling that this situation is going to get the best of me. My days have been hectic. I felt there was no end and no beginning. Just a series of disconnected events. A run where I simply could not catch my breath. I got into a fight with my husband, which almost never happens. I yelled at my son for a stupid reason. Is there ever a good reason to yell at a 5 year old? I don’t know… I felt exhausted at 7:30 in the morning so you can imagine my state of mind and body at 9:00 p.m. Reading books was simply too demanding for the little focus and concentration I had left after a day of juggling a full-time job and taking care of my kids. I tried to exercise which usually works wonders on me (I’m definitely a sports addict) but that too, failed. The rain this past Friday made me feel so sad and helpless… The recipe wasn’t working. Was I going to lose?

While browsing on Facebook in a rather brain-dead state of mind, I saw a rainbow search that had been organized and had gone viral. If you haven’t heard yet, the idea is simple: people draw, paint, create rainbows that they hang on their front windows and when families go out for their daily walks, they count every rainbow they spot. Creative, brilliant yet so simple. Did I overthink my strategy to cope with the big, mean, ugly, virus with my countless plans?

When I told my kids about this rainbow movement, they immediately wanted to participate. My youngest son suggested we find big rocks, paint rainbows on them and that we place them around our neighborhood to add to the fun of the game. Creative, brilliant yet so simple. When my son suggested that, I felt so proud. I felt a load lifted off my back. This virus situation… it’s not all on me. I am not the only one who can or needs to find solutions. We all can. Even 5 year olds! Each of us can do something to help deal with this situation. In our own way. In our own time. I was finally able to see viable solutions. Feel we had a chance to win the fight against the big, mean, ugly, virus. I felt a lot of my anxiety and fear leave my body instantaneously. And it felt so good. So right.

Do I now feel like a resilience contest winner? Uh, no. Not at all… But I realized that a resilience recipe simply does not exist. It changes according to every situation and just like my son’s 113-decibel screams, the COVID-19 too shall pass. With a bit of patience and good will.