Strong professional relationships emerge when colleagues understand themselves and one another, or, put another way, when they have emotional intelligence.
Understanding what emotional intelligence means and how it applies in the workplace is a considerable professional advantage. The term is often misconstrued, reduced to vague qualities such as being empathetic or good with people.
“What’s interesting is that people often think of emotional intelligence as something soft or vague,” says psychoeducator Kathryn Peterson. “We all have our lived-in definition of what emotional intelligence is.”
Peterson, a professional coach and consultant who leads several Concordia Continuing Education workshops on interpersonal skills, emphasizes four core abilities that define emotional intelligence, drawing on the model advanced by psychologist Daniel Goleman in the mid-1990s. These consist of self-awareness, self-regulation, social awareness, and relationship management.
Self-awareness means noticing personal strengths and weaknesses and recognizing your emotional states. Research shows most people overestimate their self-awareness.
Peterson points to the work of organizational psychologist and author Tasha Eurich, who found that while 95 per cent of people believe they are self-aware, only about 15 per cent truly are.
Kathryn Peterson, professional coach and consultant
The common misassumption is that self-awareness is only about looking inward. Making space for how others see us by practicing external self-awareness is just as important.
“It seems counterintuitive, because we think self-awareness is an inside job," Peterson says. "But a part of healthy self-awareness also means asking others for feedback.”
Seeking feedback from “loving critics,” trusted people willing to be candid while keeping our best interests at heart, can become a habit that signals humility, strengthens connection, and reinforces a bigger-picture understanding of the self.
Self-regulation is the ability to manage impulses and redirect emotions. It is not about suppressing feelings, Peterson says, but about choosing responses that keep you aligned with what you need. At work, that can mean realigning your negative emotions and seeking positive outcomes.
If you’ve booked one-on-one time with a colleague or superior and when the time comes, their attention seems to be divided by competing demands or interruptions, staying composed can be challenging.
Peterson suggests taking a breath and following it with a brief pause. Polite silence can prompt the other person to reset, while you avoid reacting negatively.
You might also ask whether now is a good time to talk, and giving your colleague an opportunity to reschedule so they can give you focused time.
Online, an unanswered message can stir irritation or self-doubt. Peterson advises naming the feeling, then choosing an empathetic stance that respects others but doesn’t discount your own needs.
“Sometimes that means patience; sometimes it means sending a polite follow-up,” she says. “Either way, the focus stays on outcomes rather than on assumptions.”
The realities of remote work and online communication can leave us guessing about how others are experiencing a shared interaction.
With fewer in-person cues, from body language to natural eye contact, we are working with less information.
Navigating uncertainty requires a sense of social awareness, or the capacity to perceive social cues and understand how others are experiencing a situation.
For example, in larger online meetings, sometimes people drift toward behavioural extremes. Some colleagues might sit back quietly and avoid interrupting. Others may pick up the habit of filling in awkward silences.
Social awareness helps us find the middle ground. Picking up cues means noticing tendencies, interpreting with empathy, and responding with curiosity.
Asking a grounding question, such as whether everyone is hearing the same thing or how the team should be thinking about the issue, can build clarity and trust.
“If the person pauses before answering, you know you’ve asked a great question,” she says.
Relationship management is the ability to use your self-awareness, self-regulation, and social awareness in real time to guide interactions toward constructive outcomes.
Intention and presence are key, Peterson says. When professionals show up with clarity about their needs, awareness of others, and steadiness in their responses, they create the conditions for productive dialogue and make skills like influence, collaboration, and conflict resolution possible.
Practicing this consistently is the discipline. Small habits such as checking for understanding, acknowledging other perspectives, or inviting input keep interactions constructive. These behaviours build the adaptability needed to bridge the space between intention and impact.
“Emotional intelligence shows up in real time,” says Peterson. “In how you handle stress, how you give feedback, and how you make space for other people’s experience. That’s where trust is built.”
© Concordia University
